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Learning To Forgive

Forgiveness is a difficult concept to accept for many people. It’s hard for people to learn to forgive after they’ve been hurt.

You’ve got to understand how to stand back up and shake hands with the person who has hurt you. Of course, some things are reprehensible and do not deserve forgiveness.

Only you can be the judge of that. Set your boundaries, and do not let others cross them. Setting boundaries helps you refrain from getting hurt in the future.

If it was indeed a small mistake and it deserves forgiveness, you have to learn how to forgive. It takes time and practice to forgive someone, but you can do it.

The director of the Midwest Institute for Forgiveness Training, Mary Hayes Grieco, has an eight-step plan for how to forgive someone. 

1. State your will to make a change

When someone has hurt you, chances are you will feel some pain. You can’t hold onto it forever, though.

You must make the decision to let the pain go. “Visualize the person you are forgiving,” says Grieco. “Say out loud, ‘I will forgive you now, because…’ and name the reason why you need to forgive the person, and why you are willing to do.” You must state your will to make a change to create change and forgive.


2. Express your feelings

Expressing how you are feeling is the second step. You cannot push them to the side and expect to feel better.

“Take time to cry or vent your anger,” says Grieco. “Stay with this until you start to feel quiet inside.”

You must feel your feelings and speak your truth. Once you have sat with your feelings, they will subside, and you can move on with forgiveness.

3. Release expectations from your mind

Try to let go of any expectations you may have. You cannot control everything.

Having unrealistic expectations about what others should do doesn’t help you. You may wish that the other person had acted differently, explains Grieco, but acknowledge the reality that they had other plans.

4. Restore your boundaries

Make sure you put the responsibility on the other person when they have done something wrong. Don’t harbor their actions and feel as though it is your fault.

“We can’t take the mistakes or problems of others into our personal space as if they are our own, or we will be quite uncomfortable,” says Grieco. “That is a loss of our boundaries, and it isn’t healthy for us or others.”

5. Get your needs met in a different way

“Imagine being completely unattached to the person you are forgiving,” says Grieco. Make sure you are getting your needs met outside of the other person.

Do not do the same thing while expecting different results. That won’t happen.

6. Receive healing energy

Sending out positivity and healing energy helps bring those things back to you. This will help your peace and contentment. 

7. Send unconditional love to the person

Not liking everyone is okay. You aren’t expected to. You must, however, be respectful to them. Send them love and light. This helps to release some of the responsibility you feel.

8. See the good in the person you’re forgiving

Express unconditional love. This is the last step you must take to forgive someone. See the good in everyone. Think of a few good things about the person you are trying to forgive. This will help you on your path to forgiveness. 


Villa Tranquil Recovery wants to help you forgive those you need to forgive during your recovery. This can include forgiving yourself. Call us today if you are struggling. We can help you. Call now at 866-697-7573. We can’t wait to hear from you.