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People Pleasing Can Compromise Honesty

One of the principle foundations for lasting recovery is honesty. This doesn’t mean, you are being accused of telling lies, or that you are a bad person. A women can be untruthful because of an addiction and may not even be aware of it, like being in a constant state of denial.

As with idiosyncratic personalities, or learned behavior, some women become people pleasers. This behavior doesn’t allow her to be fully honest with herself. Her actions and words are done for the benefit of another, and perhaps ultimately to engender herself in good light or to protect herself from harm.

Some women learned people pleasing skills at a very early age. When a young girl turns to people pleasing, she may only feels loved when conforming to the needs and desires of a parent or both parents. If she deviates from their commands she could be subjected to shame, unfair criticism or the wrath of Mommy or Daddy. Because girls have little to no choice in whether to please or not, the attachment bond to their parents is tenuous and anxiety provoking.

People pleasing, continuing from childhood into adulthood, can become a lifelong survival technique, because it’s become a modus operandi, and all she knows. In recovery from an addiction, a woman can learn to see her people pleasing from a different point of view. Like the famous Shakespearean line, to thine own self be true, she has the opportunity to learn to listen to the truth within herself.

As with any habit or coping mechanism, breaking the habit of people pleasing first takes recognition followed by practice. Practice involves communicating with the part of yourself that wants to please (the little girl), and telling her that the grown up part of you has the ability to get her needs met without basically sucking up to another. Through this process a woman will need to be gentle with herself. This is especially important with the tendency for many to apologize for every single thing they perceive as an infraction upon another. In conjunction with addiction recovery—take it easy.

Villa Tranquil provides women with the clinical care, compassion, and structure needed for ongoing recovery. Learning to be honest with yourself is a key component to long term recovery. Our beautiful home in Jupiter Farms, Florida is the perfect environment for post-treatment living. Call us today for information:  (561) 294-0427