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Sometimes, You Have to Break Up With Your Friends to Recover

Women are supposed to be supportive of one another. In a female friendship, there should be unconditional love and support. For example, if one friend has been overtaken by the disease of chemical addiction to drugs and alcohol, the other friend should be completely supportive of their friend getting sober and getting the help they need in order to transform as well as change their lives. “Should” is an idealistic term. “Used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions” is a definition of “should”. Unfortunately, friends, even the best of friends, are not obligated to any kind of duty- especially when it comes to what we think they should do and how we think they should act.

Misery loves company, it is often said. When two friends are struggling separately, or possibly together, that sudden departure of a mate in misery can be difficult for the other friend to comprehend and cope with. Sadly a friend in need can go to hurtful and harmful lengths to try and protect their own misery. Having a friend in need can lead to codependent and unhealthy behaviors. When a friend is not encouraging of sobriety- that is, the life saving and life changing opportunity to be rid of chemical dependency on drugs and alcohol- that friend needs to be reevaluated.

Women letting go of women friends can be one of the most tumultuous, dramatic, upsetting experiences in life. Female friendships are close, sometimes too close, and for that reason, they often have to be extinguished. Recovery from drug and alcohol addiction is nothing less than a matter of life and death. The friendship which does not fully support this endeavor is not a friendship worth the investment of time, energy, and devotion. You can unconditionally care for your friend no matter their circumstances. However, the earliest phases of recovery require what is often called “a program of selfishness”. It is possible you have been harmfully selfish in your friendship due to your addiction in the past. For the present, it is entirely necessary to be selfish in a different way- doing whatever is required to make sure that relapse into using drugs and alcohol doesn’t happen again.

If you believe you have a friendship that is holding you back, causing you distress, or making you doubt your sobriety, you are not alone. Many women have to “break up” with some of their friends in order to move forward with their own lives. Trust in the process. Invest in yourself. All things work out in the end.


 Villa Tranquil, a beautiful home in the estates of Jupiter Farms, Florida, offers women between the ages of 18-65 a unique transitional living opportunity. Recovery doesn’t end after treatment. Life is just beginning. Find the guidance, compassion, and clinical care you need here, as well as the continued structure, support, and engagement with life. Independently owned and operated by clinicians, Villa Tranquil invites you to find out life in sobriety is made of. Call us today: 214-799-3080