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Trusting Men After Victimization

Victimization occurs in many forms. Abusive relationships, rape, battery, and deception just to name a few. Dealing with these types of personal attacks, whether they are physical or emotional, can be incredibly trying. However, after all is said and done, is it even possible to learn to trust men again? There are some strategies to work towards trusting again. There is no secret to make it happen right away, it will certainly take time, but there are some things you can do to move in the right direction.

  1. Forgive yourself. The abuse was not your fault, no matter what happened and no matter what people say. It wasn’t your fault. Sometimes the hardest part of abuse is forgiving yourself, but no one deserves to be hurt in any way. You didn’t ask for it, you didn’t bring it on yourself. Period.
  2. Stay in groups. Building trust takes time and patience. Learn to trust again and regain your confidence around men by staying in groups. Keep a trusted girlfriend or two around you when you are near men, even the ones you know. As with your recovery, stay out of environments where there are drugs or alcohol. Always stick with the buddy system and have a backup plan. Don’t put yourself in a one-on-one situation until you have spent time with the person in the group setting and feel more confident.
  3. Don’t worry about the why.

So often after an assault or case of abuse, the victim obsesses over the why. Why me? Why that night? Why didn’t he love me? Why did he hurt me? Stop. None of that matters. Even if you knew why, it doesn’t change the events. It happened. It doesn’t matter why. Instead, ask yourself what you can learn. Consider it a teaching moment, albeit a rough one, but make sure the lesson is learned.

Look into the future, don’t focus on the past.

The victim mentality requires you to relive the events over and over in your head. You don’t have time for that anymore. You are in recovery, taking care of yourself, and moving on with your life. Don’t make time for the past. Focus on the things you can control, which are all in the future. Stay centered on your recovery and on the amazing life you are building. The more confident you are in yourself, the more easily you will be able to trust others.

Be forever grateful.

Realize that it is ok that you don’t trust men. Consider it a method of self-preservation. The stronger you become as a person, the less you will feel the need to protect yourself consistently and the more open you will be to men both as friends and as partners. Don’t rush and don’t stress. It will happen when you are ready!

Women between the ages of 18-65 are welcome to join our community and sisterhood at Villa Tranquil Recovery. Come spend time in our beautiful home located in Jupiter Farms, Florida after your primary care treatment program. For information, call:  (561) 294-0427