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Your Happiness Is Neither Conditional Nor Dependent On Others

Laura Mesi is an Italian fitness model. About two years ago, she found herself single after being in a 12 year relationship. She told her family that if she hadn’t met her soul mate by the time she turned 40, she was going to marry herself. Mesi didn’t mean this metaphorically. In September of 2017, Mesi had a 70 person wedding complete with bridesmaids, a three tier cake, and the wedding dress. New York Daily News reports that self-weddings are part of a growing trend called “sologamy”. People are learning that their happiness does not depend on another person and the ability to have a “fairy tale” wedding or celebration of love doesn’t require the love of two people. Self-love is the hot new wedding trend. Though people might be taking the metaphor of self-love too far, the purpose is honorable. It sends a critical message: your happiness is neither conditional nor dependent on others.

You don’t have to run out and plan a wedding to make this point. Every day you wake up, you have an opportunity to renew your vows to yourself. Your commitment to you is ongoing. Relationships come and go. Marriages start and end. You, however, are stuck with yourself night and day, from the moment you are born to the moment your life transitions.

Being in a relationship with yourself is a challenge, especially as a woman. Women are notorious for critical self-talk, obsessive perfectionism, and an inherent disdain for who they naturally are. We take care of ourselves to meet the demands of others. Until we learn what real self-care is, we only indulge ourselves in ways that help us make it through the next day. Developing an authentic sense of happiness solely dependent on the self is a revolutionary experience for women, particularly when they are actively in recovery from drug and alcohol addiction. Treatment and the phases of recovery after treatment, like transitional living, give women therapeutic guidance and support toward building their own sense of happiness through a relationship with themselves. Sobriety can be the catalyst for finally looking at yourself in the mirror and realizing that anything you might need does not come from anyone else. It’s possible. It’s yours. Take it today.